there's a skeleton in every man's house...

2003-08-21T21:37:00.000-04:00

ummm... i don't know if this is actually working... it's not totally loaded up and therefore i am confused... i hope this works cause that would be awesome...

ever since they updated blogger, it hasn't worked.

my life is majorly boring... i dunno... nothing new... i went to philly today and had awesome food...

i've been on a major college essay binge, writing about a million of the most generalized essays in the world. thank you to alie for giving me support about my idea to write a mental college essay and allow the college to assume it's good... as well as accepting me on the spot with a full scholarship...

i like that... it makes me content...

~laura <333333333

2003-08-12T10:40:00.000-04:00

yeah so i made a live journal, but i am not like others... i will remain loyal to my blog... i love it too much.

so if you want to visit my livejournal go to : www.livejournal.com/users/la_aura

my body hurts... my head hurts... my everything hurts... even my hip... and thats really random..

i wish people would update their journals... i need more interesting stuff to read... COME ONNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!

btw i would just like to repeat that i love alie...

that's about all...

~laura <33333333

2003-08-05T13:48:00.000-04:00

so.. tralalala... i feel really weird... i heard this song on the radio and when i went to download it.. there's like no trace of it at all... i dunno...

blah blah blah.. my days are filled with boring stuff...

my mom won't let me go out till we completely clean out the house and decide what we're taking with us.. i think that she's really sad.. i can just tell... i wanna comfort her but she keeps pushing me to clean out stuff i know i'll never take. she won't even let me go out (unless its with her) till we finish cleaning up... it blows...

i'm in the process of convincing my mom that since i bought this really cute overnight traveling le sportsac bag that she should let me travel... just to try the bag of course... i think it might actually be working, because she's actually asking me questions about where i'll stay and how i'll get from the airport to my friend's house and all the stuff that she would never normally ask if she were just going to say no... she even told me to check jetblue's website...

and if i can't go to their house, my brother said i could come chill with him.. cause he misses me, and apparently he wants to teach me how to drink "properly" as if i didnt know how to do that already...

btw... z100 is no playing christian pop, in case anyone missed the song in which the man sings about how he will react upon meeting jesus... how strange... and at first i thought it was a really sweet love song... but alas.. i was wrong...

adios!
~laura <33333333333333333

p.s. NICHOLAS FLAMEL IS REAL!!!! for anyone who knows what that means....

2003-08-01T20:15:00.000-04:00

so jack came back on monday and left again on wednesday morning... this blows... another 5 months till i see him again.

good note, we got free tickets to a cyclones game behind home plate.. isnt that cool????? people in brooklyn are sooo strange...

ugh another person is gone from our grade... this is becoming sad and frustrating... at 17 i shouldn't have to worry about people dying around me... it's sad that our grade is cursed this way...

2003-07-23T21:25:00.000-04:00

oh and btw i'm cool because i just bought raspberry deodorant...

2003-07-23T21:21:00.000-04:00

can someone explain to me why elliot's instant messgae background is mariah carey rolling around on the floor? and his away message is "1/4 of the summer is over already"? what a butthead... why would anyone be that big of a killjoy??

i had sooooooooooo much fun hanging out with amanda today... she giggles a lot and i love it.. very refreshing... i miss hanging out with her... we had a big amount of fun... yay.. this is why i love her:

AnGeLGuRL1325: i just wanted to thank you again for keeping me company and it was so sweet and i had so miuch fun and thank you

seeeeee... she's cool...

i feel used...

~LAURA <3333333

2003-07-22T11:31:00.000-04:00

so... long time no write. it seems like everytime i sit down to, something interrupts me... so here i go..

thursday, jack stopped by after i finished writing my entry, and picked me up. we ate went back to ci and chilled with his grandma. then we picked up his stuff and he came back to brooklyn and slept over my house. muy cool, except we fell asleep on the couch and he threw me off it.

friday we woke up and went to my beach club, where it was cold and raining. we swam in the pool, walked around, and then got some ice cream. we went back home and chilled, then drove up to ci to get jack's baseball stuff. came back to brooklyn and he slept over again.

saturday morning i woke up, and dropped him off at the train station. went back home and my mom and i decided just to chill for the day cause i wasnt feeling so well. i went to sleep early but it was cool.

sunday morning i woke and went to the beach and chilled there for a few hours, then i went shopping and bought to new bikinis, a cd player, and another pretty semi formal dress. notice the fact that i said another semi formal dress, when i have nooo semi formal to attend. i hung around and then went to sleep. i got woken up early monday morning by mass text messages. and i waited for the weather to clear up so i could go to the beach... it never did. so i walked around, and stopped by some people's houses. nothing really was going on. i dunno.

so now i'm here... it that exciting??????

i have a few things to say in general. i've noticed that people who i always assumed were my friends have suddenly evaporated as it has become summer. i mean i have talked to loads of people and hung out with people, but some seem to have hidden themselves very nicely. i understand that people work, and i get that people are trying to incoporate themselves into other things (or groups of people), but it would be nice, if when some one says that they are my friend, they tend to talk to me or attempt to see me more than talking for 5 seconds every week, or never asking if i want to hang out. i just feel like i get to deal with all the person's problems and never the good side. so honestly, if you're my friend, you should at least attempt to act that way once in a while. another thing people seem to feel is that if i am with someone else and not spending time with them that the smartest thing to do, is to back away and ignore me too. but its not, it makes the situation worse, and it makes me resentful...

whatev...

~laura <3333

2003-07-17T10:26:00.000-04:00

jack is back.. haha that rhymed, so i've spent most (to all) of my time with him. he got dropped off at my house (or technically i got picked up) from the airport and we (me, jack, jason, and goober) went to eat at papa leone's. we then drove to city island (which btw, i give amazing directions to get to). so then we just chilled and eventually headed down to the beach, where we chilled some more. john drove me home, so that was cool, and now i give amazing directions to brooklyn.

yesterday, skip and jack picked me up on their way home from science (i know- thats completely out of the way). so it took them like 4 hours because jack thought he knew where he was going but actually did not. i gave my amazing directions back to ci again. we went to chill at jason's house while he worked. and then walked up and down the island like 50 million times (we stopped at jack's house and checked for a tubing tube). finally we walked back to jason's to change into bathing suits and went tubing, which btw was very cool. since i was the only girl, i had to have a boy come with me to weigh it down. i got on the boat and my entire left side was totally bruised and stuff. it does not look pleasant at all. then we went to jason's and waited while he took a 50 minute shower. we hopped into this really nice girl lori's car but there were too many people so jack and i got out. we chilled and got shakes and sat in the park with matt, sam, vernon (?), and then skip came by. turns out he was on the stuy swim team with my brother ("and the world right now gets smaller") we walked to beach and chilled there till my mom came.

and now i have woken up, showered, finished cleaning, and am here with you... aren't you lucky??

~laura <333

p.s. hehe i love how i p.s. ed when i could have just gone back. never ever go tubing in a bikini that requires strings to tie it.

2003-07-14T17:50:00.000-04:00

hola, its been an interesting while... not really muich to say. done alot of sleeping, chilling and saying bye to people. since i dont remember much before friday, i'll start with that.

i woke up on friday morning, went to get pizza for lunch, and then went to the beach where i read old school harry potter (book 2). then i went home and got a call from devin (my old "friend") and we hung out on friday night. he drove to my house (and he has a very cool car). we chilled on the beach and just talked about us, and our lives now, and why we make each other laugh. it was really cool and i realized how much i miss him. i got home at about one and talked on the phone till 3.

saturday, i woke up at 12ish and went to the beach where i watched this girl alexa and i had a lot of fun, and then i got paid for it. which of course, made it more fun. i feel asleep on the lounge chair. i got home and dan invited me to some party, but i couldnt go. then i read harry potter book 2 to jack over the phone.

sunday i went to the beach again and hung out with my friend alison. we went into the pool. i saw my friend james's dad, who was my old soccer coach and i was really happy. then, we left and went to the cyclones game. we sat right next to the cyclones dugout and all the players are really hot and we had sooo much fun. it turns out that jessica was there sitting almost right next to me.

Jekyll11: and yesterday i went to a cyclones game and met a few of the players and they got us free tix for the game 2night so im all giddy lol..u?
Dancer527: I WENT TOO
Dancer527: was ashley with you? cause i thought i saw her on the big screen
Jekyll11: did u see me on the screen?! they kept shooting us cuz we were rightb y the camera man lol... YESSSS omg who were u with?
Dancer527: my friend alison, we were right behind the dug out
Jekyll11: then we were RIGHT by u
Jekyll11: wait were u behind the cyclones dugout or the other 1?
Dancer527: REALLY?!? cyclones
Jekyll11: me 2!!!!!1
Jekyll11: omg we definitely saw e/o and didnt even realize
Jekyll11: i was wearign a bright turquoise tube top..wut were u wearing lol?? maybe itll job the memory
Dancer527: ahh thats so cool.. thats crazy, well i was wearing a very bright pinkish/ coral shirt
Jekyll11: wow i cant believe we didnt see e/o..we were literally a few seats away
Dancer527: and i was in the third row niext to the dug out
Jekyll11: ooooh so was i but u mustve been on the other side
Jekyll11: this si crazt
Jekyll11: this is crazy* nice typos
Dancer527: thats insane
Jekyll11: wow im so upset now lol!
Dancer527: me too... and i thought i saw ashley and i wasnt sure
Jekyll11: yea u did .. u def saw me and thought i was a slut cuz i looked a little skanky lol.. u duno how mad i am right now..how cute r the players?!
Dancer527: they are soooo hot... #31 was beautiful
Jekyll11: OMG THATS WHO I OBSESS OVER LOL
Dancer527: i'm sooo mad that i didnt get to see you
Dancer527: hahaha
Jekyll11: we made friends with 12..
Jekyll11: i love them all
Dancer527: haha me too

so thats really cool, and then i got into a fight and went to bed late again. i woke up this morning, went shopping, got new bathing suits. i'm muy happy. and now i may go out tonight, who knows.

when did hu become the term for hooking up? i'm so lost...

1 more day till the coolest person in the world comes to see meeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! i'm very excited...

and if you want to chill with me this summer, call me... i want to chill with lots of people but i'm muy lazy and therefore never think to call people... so please call me...

peace out girl scout!
~laura <333333

2003-07-05T01:02:00.000-04:00

i want some one to explain to me why my computer keeps downloading hardcore porn... its annoying!!!!

i found out yesterday that jack is coming back up in 10 days to play baseball... VERY EXCITING!!! which btw would mean that he has now spent more time since he has moved in new york... but who cares..? i don't. i miss having him around.

when people tell you things that you don't expect, its weird. i dunno.. i think i waited a long time to hear something and when i fianlly heard it, i didnt want to know. it just hurts my feelings that i went through so much shit for no reason at all.

RIP Barry White

i went to see the fireworks on the fdr drive tonight. it was muy cool to think that i had passed that spot a million times in my car and now i was sitting on it. i waited for 2 hours, squished in, and i sat in gum. i'm not patriotic enough for that. but after all was said and done... the fireworks were SOOOOOOOO cool. they looked like they were flying out at you and stuff...

night...

~laura <3333333

2003-07-01T15:55:00.000-04:00

ok... so i'm officially heart broken and distraught and sad and shit.. i hate this world...

three months ago (on the 25th of march), i started talking to this boy. i honestly (from what i knew of him) never believed that anything would ever come of it. we talked a lot and had a good time doing it. on march 30th, we had our first kiss. i realized that i liked him a lot but was too scared to be in a relationship because it was so unpredictable and highly unbelieveable that this kid was the way he had turned out to be. instead of being mean, loud, obnoxious, and overall a big prick, he was sweet, kind, caring, and generous (i'm not denying that he is LOUD). so april 7th, we started going out. i never thought i could ever be soo happy. i never met anyone who knew so many ways to make me smile. who understood how important things were to me, and always knew when he crossed a bad line. he loved me and for the first time ever, i could really say that i loved this kid. we spent ever waking second together, talked on the phone, and more than my boyfriend he became my best friend. he never criticized my opinions, always laughed at my stupid jokes, appeased me, and because of this i loved him. he made me happy, and because of that i went out of my way to make sure that he was always as happy as i was. sometime in may, right before my birthday, i found out that he was moving july 1st. i never thought of this as a reality, just some date so far away, and i was sure it wouldn't affect me at all. he took me to semi formal, and we went through so much crap around my birthday, and for the first time i saw him cry. he was no longer a detached brick wall of strength because he was right there with me, and i needed that. we went to prom, we hung out, we became one of those nauseating couples where the girl always wears the guys stuff and they know each others friends and aol passwords, and can tell you anything about the other person. we became attached to each other, to the point that we never went more than 2 days without seeing each other. we cried alot and went through tons of things together but i was wrong about something this entire time. i always felt like july 1st would never come, but its here and he's gone. i have never felt such an empty hole in my heart. when i left him last night, i felt like part of me was gone. so this morning at 10:17 when i hung up the phone, part of me went on its way to florida. i don't think i truly grasped how much this would hurt, how much he meant to me, but now i do.. and i can't even put it into words. jack, you are the only boy i know who remembers things better than i do, and who has sick eyesight, who makes me giggle and cry in the same minute. you are the only person i have ever loved and you've made me less of a commitment phobic. just remember, this is only a test and i will always be here for you. i love you soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much.

blah... i feel like shit... and i have no one to talk to...

~laura <3333333

2003-06-25T15:31:00.000-04:00

here's a kick ass song to read...

I have climbed the highest mountain
I have sailed across the sea
I have wrestled with my demons
And woke up with only me
I have been around the block
Three times maybe four
And I think I deserve just a little more

In front of total strangers won't you kiss me
Flowers for no reason but you miss me
Oh I want to be in love
You're standing on the doorstep in the rain
Cause you couldn't wait to see me once again
Oh I want to be in love

I have made some big mistakes
And I've paid a heavy price
I found a little peace between will and sacrifice
I have watched as all my dreams
Went walking out the door
And I think I deserve just a little more

I'm looking for a heart of gold
I'm looking for a hand to hold
A happy end
Strong and kind
Somewhere to rest my troubled mind

In front of total strangers won't you kiss me
Flowers for no reason but you miss me
Oh I want to be in love
On Tuesday light the candles bring me wine
Wednesday morning I won't get to work on time
Oh I want to be in love
Surprise me as I'm stepping off the plane
Take my hand as they play our song again
Oh I want to be in love

good shit my friends... i'm listening to bon jovi and i'm majorly tired...

i chilled with shawn last night and i honestly feel like she and i should tape record our conversations so as to ensure the fact that we will remember at least 1 of the funny (HILARIOUS) things that we talked about... it's very fun to chill with her though...

ummmmmmmmmmmm... that and i almost got raped on the train... WAY LONG STORY!! if you want to hear it... just ask me...

2003-06-19T08:06:00.000-04:00

i'll be the first to admit that i'm a big loser and like no one calls me, but for the last few days every single time i'm doing important or sleeping or relaxing about a bajillion people call me... it's annoying.. i don't like it... i mean i like people calling me but not when i'm at a baseball game, or sleeping, or reading harry potter... esp. not during harry potter.. thats sacred stuff...

i totally forgot how good the third harry potter book is (hp and the prisoner of azkaban)... it's really good... but then i totally forgot how good the fourth book is and im totally psyched to finish it... i've decided not to go get the fifth book on saturday/ friday night because i want to buy all of the harry potter books in a box set... jeez... i really can't wait to read the fifth one though...

this summer is gunna suck.. whatever.. theres nothing i can do about it...

i'm taking the bio regents today and well... i don't want to.. the only good thing is that i get to hang around with freshman.. yuuuuuummmmmmmmm... hehehehe thats nasty.. well off i go to do nothing... tralalalalalala...

11 days.... :(

~laura <3333

2003-06-18T08:00:00.000-04:00

wow... blogger has totally changed.. its all weird and stuff...

so this morning my mom made me rush to get up so that she could make it to work by 7:30 and i left my book at home by accident.. it turns out she needed to be here for 11:30... so now i don't have harry potter to keep me company.

yesterday after the american regents (which btw anyone who has mr.greez knows that everything he told us was totally wrong), i went and chilled with jack. as i was getting on the bus, i ran into matt (freshman matt) who looked like he hadn't slept in about 5 weeks. it turns out he was drinking last night and 2 is a late time for him to wake up. jack and i watched robin hood (yes the cartoon one where they're all animals) and just enjoyed the poetical essence of the day. We left and went to Yankee Stadium, where we watched David Wells (the pitcher of my dreams- "he's a lefty, drinks a lot and is #33") pitch a complete game. it was really cool to be at yankee stadium because i've never been there before and i loved it. it was very different. i got home and fell asleep on the phone for like the second time in 2 weeks. i'm a sad little child.

the only thing i hate more in this world than lying is pestering... wow.. i hate that... a lot. my mom is like the queen of pestering. this morning she kept bothering me. and what's worse about her pestering is that she lies while doing it. "LAUUUUUUUUURAAAAA!!! it's 7:30... we're gunna be laaaaaaaaaaaateeeeeeeeeeee" i rush up and check the time it's only 6... GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i want school to end.. i really feel like it hasn't ended for me. i had the american regents yesterday, bio tutoring today, the bio regents tomorrow. then next week, i have that god awful columbia workshop that i dont want to go to... i just want to cry. and then once school is done, i really only have 3 days left of complete and utter serenity with any work. and then sb leaves, i start working again, checking out colleges, getting applications and essays together... i don't want july 1st to come.

12 days...

~laura <3333

P.S. my mom's secretary just gave me really good cookies... like fro ma bakery kind of cookies... rainbow ones and stuff.. i really hope that she has cannolis hidden somewhere.. i love those.. they make my day...

2003-06-15T14:48:00.000-04:00

pick ANY 15 LJ users on your friends list. without revealing their names, say something about (or to) each one of them. never reveal who is what.

since i dont have an lj, i will just do 15 people.. hehe do them...

1) you are one of the coolest people i have ever met. you make me so happy to be your friend. you are one of the only people i can talk to about anything, ever. you listen to my bullshit and that makes me love you all that much more. i dont know if i would have made it through this year without you. i'm so glad we got closer this year because i dont know what i would have done if i never had the chance to chill with you. thank you for being there for me.

2) you and i used to be mad close but i don't know what happened. i still love hanging out with you, but i feel like you and i have both changed in totally opposite directions. esp. since i never ever see you anymore. you kinda got mean and i think that i don't need someone like that in my life, but then we hang out and i remember exactly how cool you are. i just wish you didnt get so damn defensive when you're being hypocritical about issues.

3) you make me laugh more than any person i know, but somehow i never feel like i'm just with you. everytime that you and i are together bajillions of people come over and im always ignored. i don't remember alot about the early parts of you and i, but i know that it was probably one of the funnier and better things that have happened to me in my life. i talk to you about a lot of things and you always give me the best responses.

4) you and i are never apart. we talk and bicker and laugh about the funniest things ever. i love having you with me ever waking second of the day. you rock my world, even though our lives run of parallel cycles. you support my binge eating habits and always appease me in the best way possible. i love you sooo much.

5) i know that i'm supposed to be your friend but i actually find myself totally torn over you. sometimes i hate your guts and think about how you've ruined my year and than other times i realize how much i honestly do love you. i don't know what my life would be like if i never met you because you make me very happy when you're nice and i'm nice, and we happen to be nice on the same day. i love how you make me laugh and i love how i'm one of the few people who truly knows you and how you feel about life.

6) you are one of the coolest people i have ever met. i love you, i love hanging out with you, i love how sweet you are. you and i can't fight. it's a physical impossibility. we've tried and it just doesn't work. you make me a better person for knowing you and i think thats cool. i'm so glad we became closer this year and i really hope that you and i have tons of classes together next year so that we can talk and write notes through those too. i can talk to you about anything and i'm glad thats true.

7) i wonder sometimes if i love you or i hate you just because of the way you treat other people. you love some people one minute and hate them the next. everytime i need to talk to you, you're busy but when you need me you call me a million times until i finally answer my phone and listen to you yell at me about your problems. whenever you "need to talk to me" or you "have something important to say" its always about yourself. i feel like you caused a lot of the issues i have with people this year because whenever you didn't like them, you'd talk to me. you forced people out of your life by walking away from something and i think that's a bullshit way of handling a situation. you use me to do your dirty work for you and then i feel like i owe you something. you are not generous but you beg for handouts. i dont really consider you a real friend, just someone who occasionally pesters me for attention and uses me. i dont even think that you even know about my blog to read this.

8) you and i met in the weirdest way possible, i insulted you, you insulted me and we fell in love. i know that sometimes i'm not always there to talk but you are my world. you culture me without even realizing it. i love you for that. you teach me so many new things and i'm so happy that next year, you're moving closer to me so we can hang out more. we'll go hunting together. thank you for insulting me back or else i would never have had such a good time being your friend. even after knowing the psycho bitches.

9) you are everything that makes me happy. you make me laugh and smile and i feel all cool when i'm with you. life sucks because eventually you'll leave but i guess that's the way fate works, it's a tricky s.o.b. it's funny how we met and the way that everything ended up, but i'm happy about that. you have changed my life so much and it can never be the same again. i know i get a lot of shit for knowing you and whatever and it bothers me liek nothing else, im still glad that you're my friend, above anything else. thank you for being you, because that is what i love the most.

10) you and i are cool but i sometimes get the feeling that one of us doesnt want to be in a friendship situation. people are supposed to change and grow and thats what makes them cool, but i think that we have both changed too much. we never talk at all anymore and when we do, its very short. i feel like when we hang out if we arent doing something illegal or that is very fake, that we can't have a good time. we barely ever see each other anymore, and thats annoying because i feel like we don't know each other. a lot of things about you confuse me, because they are very contradictory and in some instances i have caught you changing your opinion on certain things in the span of one minute. i can't hang out with you when you're with your little circle of friends because that makes you different from the person i grew up with. i used to think we we're cool but now i don't understand what we are because you don't try to know me.

11) you and i were mad tight and you were one of those people that i could always count on. we're not that close anymore but i still love talking to you. i don't know whats happened to you anymore because neither one of us discusses anything with substance. i just wished that we talked more or hung out more because i miss being your friend. you still rock my socks though.

12) i think that you ask me to do a lot of things that i'm not ready to do but i still love you. you are my polar opposite but one of my closer friends. i looove you soooo much and i don't know what the past 2 years would have been like. we kid around about lots of stuff and i think thats cool. our conversations never really have true substance about our lives and i know i couldn't trust you with my secrets but i forget that when we hang out. i love having you as a friend.

13) you are the catalyst for a lot of the bull shit in my life. i think that you are very very very very cool and smart and gorgeous and you know that, i think thats cool. sometimes i wonder where your intentions are because i notice a lot of things tend to happen around you. we have a lot of misunderstandings and weird stuff but thats what makes our friendship cooler. we have a lot of fun together but when we're apart i wonder why. i just honestly spend a lot of time wondering if you and i are actually cool or if you spend time talking about me behind my back. our convos lie in making fun of others and thats cool, but somehow i get the feeling that theres more.

14) you have been my best buddy for a bajillion years and i never ever see you anymore. you have listened to my crap and taught me about so muuuuuch stuff. you're like a big sister to me and i love having you here. we don't really get to talk all that much because of school and how far apart we live (which isnt actually far at all- but still). i love you sooooo much and you are the coolest, nicest and most understanding person i know.

15) you and i have an odd relationship. we talk when we need each other, but whenever we hang out we have so much fun. we always pick back up from when we were really cool and talked and hung out and saw each other every day. sometimes i think about how cool we were, and how up and down everything is now, but thats ok because i love beign with you. you're odd and crazy, just like me and i love you for that. you are super sexy and great.

it turned out just to be my way of venting... but thats alright because im sure that half these people dont read this anyway. so... peace out, girl scout.

~laura <3333333

2003-06-12T22:49:00.000-04:00

blogger changed itself, i'm confused.. long time no write cause blogger was fixing itself...

ummm my life is cool and sucks all at the same time... bio teachers told the mother figure that they are impressed by me.. well what can i say.

i wish my mom would shut up... all she does is nag me and then when i need to talk to her she gets a phone call and runs away... bah humbug..

SCHOOL IS OVER IN 2 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2003-06-03T19:46:00.000-04:00

blah blah blah, as usual, shit gets asssumed and i get blamed for something i didnt do... im so glad that i'm still cool but i acted shady... what bullshit!!! nobody has the balls to say anything to my face.. as usual. yeah whatever i dont even care, cause what was said wasnt even true.. i dont even care... this school and all the people in it are fucking pussies...

i wish that everyone would learn to grow up, the world will always be this way and everything is a popularity contest, just learn that this isnt the end of the world.

2003-06-01T12:53:00.000-04:00

i havent posted in almost 2 weeks cause my computer has been sucking it up... i havent really gotten around to being online.. so i dunno, my life sucks, my birthday sucked, and im honestly tired of it... the only good thing that has come of the past two weeks is that i feel slightly closer to a lot of people i was not feeling very close to... anywho im doing something off adit's journal cause i want to.. you dont even have to read it...

- Name: Laura
- Birthdate: may 27th
- Birthplace: new york city, new york
- Current Location: brooklyn, new york
- Eye Color: blue
- Hair Color: blonde, but since i havent been near the sun dirty blondish
- Height: anywhere from 5'4-5'6 i dont even know anymore
- Righty or Lefty: righty
- Zodiac Sign: gemini
PART TWO:
- Your heritage: italian, israeli, and apparently russian (i just want to say anteka to all my russian homies)
- The shoes you wore today: none i just woke up...
- Your weakness: trusting people, and losing my sense of judgement, that and my enjoyment from spending money on crap
- Your fears: love, rats and the dark... haha yes i am 8 years old
- Your perfect pizza: extra cheese and lots of grease
- Goal you'd like to achieve: if you don't have goals, when you fail, you can never be hurt
PART THREE:
- Your most overused phrase on IM: so...
- Your thoughts first waking up: does g-d hate me? or maybe if i close my eyes again, my mom wont notice
- Your best physical feature: i have heard eyes, boobs, and ass and lately lips.. i dunno i like my eyes
- Your bedtime: it depends but lately about 12ish
- Your most missed memory: childhood innocence and shit like that...
PART FOUR:
- McDonald's or Burger King: hahaa i just finished reading fast food nation.. i dont really like either
- Single or group dates: single, people tend to never know each other in groups
- Adidas or Nike: adidas
- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: both taste like ass... i actually need flavor in my iced tea
- Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
- Cappuccino or coffee: neither
PART FIVE:
- smoke: nothing, i just quit smoking illegal stuff...
- Cuss: i dont think i say one sentence with a fucking bad word
- Sing: all the damn time
- Take a shower everyday: no because im very dirty... of course i do... duhhhhhh..
- Have a crush(es): have a crushes? always... thats the point of life...
- Do you think you've been in love: i think that you dont know love till its gone, so i'll just have ot wait and see...
- Want to go to college: if i dont i would get ass raped my my parents...
- Like(d) high school: yea minus everything about it...
- Want to get married: yup
- Believe in yourself: it depends on the topic or situation
- Get motion sickness: not at all
- Think you're attractive: not at all
- Think you're a health freak: no but i like hygenie a lot
- Get along with your parents: NOT AT ALL!!!!!!!!!
- Like thunderstorms: yup.. SUMMER STORMS!!!
- Play an instrument: i play the drums sometimes and i used to play the piano
PART SIX:
In the past month...
- Drank alcohol: like every day...
- Smoked: nope
- Done a drug: alcohol is a drug and so is caffeine so yeah i have
- Had Sex: ......................................................
- Made Out: i do that everyday...
- Gone on a date: yup last night actually...
- Gone to the mall: yup, right before my birthday just to see all the people that i havent seen in a long as time
- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: i cant do that... i would puke
- Eaten sushi: not since the 8th grade
- Been on stage: yes, for rainfords class, and for the talent show i walked in front of the stage and for senior pics
- Been dumped: yup.. what a loser i am
- Gone skating: yup
- Made homemade cookies: yeah all the time
- Gone skinny dipping: nope
- Dyed your hair: nope
- Stolen anything: not since feb 17th last year
PART SEVEN:
Ever...
- Played a game that required removal of clothing: yup... strip solitaire... oh yeah baby..
- If so, was it mixed company: yup.. hehehe
- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes but not lately..
- Been caught "doing something": oh hell yeah.. every time im "doing something"
- Been called a tease: YES!!!!!!!
- Gotten beaten up: nope...
- Shoplifted: see previous stealing question...
- Changed who you were to fit in: yeah and i regretted every minute of it
PART EIGHT:
- Age you hope to be married: 23/ 24
- Numbers and Names of Children: 2 kids, boy and a girl... i havent really thought about names since the 8th grade
- Describe your Dream Wedding: me marrying the man i love, and thats all i need...
- How do you want to die: in my sleep, knowing that someone actually cares
- Where you want to go to college: im being quiet about this, i think like 5 people honestly know..
- What do you want to be when you grow up: a sports physical therapist or a pediatrician
- What country would you most like to visit: germany, spain, canada, etc.
PART NINE:
In a guy... or girl for that matter
- Best eye color? blue or dark dark brown
- Best hair color? blonde
- Short or long hair: short
- height: tall
- Best weight: one that makes them look buff but not fat or lanky
- Best articles of clothing: jeans, sweats, khakis, nice colors, lots of different clothes, stuff that makes them look good
- Best first date location: somewhere that gives you a chance to get to know them, somewhere fun but romantic like amusement parks, aquariums, etc.
- Best first kiss location: somewhere thats not too in public, and gives you the chance to run away if they suck, beaches are very nice, places where the sun is setting or rising
PART TEN:
- Number of drugs taken illegally: um.........
- Number of people I could trust with my life: i dont think i honeslty know if i could trust many people.. but i think maybe 2
- Number of CDs that I own: collectively my brother and i own over 700 cds
- Number of piercings: 1, i have to get my ears repierced
- Number of tattoos: none
- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: about 5 or 10
- Number of scars on my body: 25
- Number of things in my past that I regret: everything, because things can always be changed for the better and you can always do something different...

2003-05-20T21:37:00.000-04:00

im so cool... some little freshman boy just honored me in the coolest way possible:

IAmTheSlackerMan: I HAVE AN IDEA!
IAmTheSlackerMan: would u be honored if i named my pipe after u
IAmTheSlackerMan: ???
IAmTheSlackerMan: lol
Dancer527: hahah yes very
IAmTheSlackerMan: okies
Dancer527: what are you calling it?
IAmTheSlackerMan: laura it is then
Dancer527: and why does it remind you of me?
IAmTheSlackerMan: cuz its blue
IAmTheSlackerMan: and short
IAmTheSlackerMan: :-P
Dancer527: so now im blue and short... are you calling me a smurf?
IAmTheSlackerMan: no
IAmTheSlackerMan: ur short
IAmTheSlackerMan: and i dunno
IAmTheSlackerMan: u wear blue alot
Dancer527: or my eyes are blue
IAmTheSlackerMan: yep
IAmTheSlackerMan: that 3
Dancer527: i feel special right now
IAmTheSlackerMan: yay!
Dancer527: wow... i have a whole smoking apparati named after me
IAmTheSlackerMan: yes u do
Dancer527: wow... im cool
IAmTheSlackerMan: very
IAmTheSlackerMan: i have a smoking apparatus named after u
IAmTheSlackerMan: !
Dancer527: wow... so now you'll take out the laura
IAmTheSlackerMan: no
IAmTheSlackerMan: ill take out laura
IAmTheSlackerMan: and suck on her
IAmTheSlackerMan: haha
Dancer527: hahahahah
IAmTheSlackerMan: fun stuff

this makes me sooooo cool!!!!... its almost like wesley pipes and billy bong thorton... hehehehe...

2003-05-15T18:45:00.000-04:00

i have nothing really to share... i just wanted to say that i am such the little girl... i am frolicking around in my semi formal dress singing to my alanis morissette cd... what an 11 year old i am...

2003-05-14T22:51:00.000-04:00

to sum up tonight's final episode of dawson's creek, i quote helen:

Dancer527: shes supposed to end up with dawson
Dancer527: what bullshit
H Cho 817: I KNOW
H Cho 817: its DAWSONs creek
H Cho 817: not Paceys creek

i'm still crying...

2003-05-08T21:02:00.000-04:00

life is gravy... shit seems to be a lot easier now that i no longer care... i feel like i smile a lot more... life is just cool...

someone told me today that i'm utterly dick-whipped... thats so funny...

this semiformal stuff seriously reminds me of the 5th grade prom when you asked people to go with and stuff.... i dont know why.. i think the only difference is that the prom isnt in the school cafeteria and you dont just walk someone down the steps... this is something totally different... i think its better to be obligationless and dateless when you can... it just gives you the chance to not have to worry or hurt someone...

so anywho... my days have been cool... i honestly have no complaints... at all...

2003-05-06T20:56:00.000-04:00

so i feel like standing on my head... i dont know quite why... but i just do... and these are the moments where you thank mr. adames for that ridiculous tri-pod headstand... what shit...

so today even ms. reid admitted what a ridiculously hard class ap bio is and she knows how much we have suffered... but she promises everything will be easier... not if i have to deal with killing a baby pig... which by the way.. i do... i will not like this.
i flipped out today during the bio break because i crazily hate the lab portion of that class... i feel like all ms. reid does is tell you how she wants you to do better and then takes off bajillions of unnecessary points.. BLAH! what bullshit

so... i went shopping with denise and jason today and i love how she feels that white people can do not white people things... i had to keep reminding her of that... but she started talking to me in spanish and i still understood her... i love that... im crazy...

i'm attempting to o.d. on cough drops... while i play with an austrian toy... i'm too cool for my own good...

i talked to dan today... it was cool... weird but always cool... i dunno... we walked together towards lehman, thats about all...

look at me being all sat smart... i was listening to the song bombastic love.. and realized that the title makes no sense... cause bombastic has nothing to do with love... at all... it really means.. using high-sounding but meaningless language... just as many people i know do... so there britney spears...

my life sucks... i dont know why but it does... i have to figure out shit in my head...

~laura <3

2003-05-01T19:24:00.000-04:00

a few months ago arefin said something really interesting to me, he basiccally told me that assumption about generalizations is only shown by the guilty mind, so willing to assume shit is about them... this tends to happen to me a lot considering i tend to write in generalizations a lot... if i never said anything to someone, why would they assume shit is about them? i don't even care anymore... i can't justify myself to someone who doesn't even want to hear it...

today in english i told denise that we had no chance of going for another week, but apparently a weerk ended 30 minutes later... shortest week of my entire life... i was really nervous, i dunno, i hate getting up in front of people...

boys are funny people... i wish everyone was like boys... rather than like the opposite of boys... aka girls... confusing but understandable...

2003-04-30T21:01:00.000-04:00

i have something to add... i think its really funny how people take offense to what i say about them when they say MAD SHIT behind my back... every single day since november i have heard that these two people are talking about me... and honestly i think that its humorous how they think that suddenyl since i return the favor that i am some evil person... take a look at yourself...

2003-04-30T20:59:00.000-04:00

yo i say so much shit in jest its not even funny... but i think that mad people take what i say when i'm annoyed and take it seriously... theres no reason...

it makes sense to me now why people have been acting the way they have for the past few days... i thought i missed something and apparently i did...

ummm i can't stand people who when you tell them stuff about how you are annoyed, go and tell other people... it's a wonderi say anything to anyone anymore...

i don't appreciate the shit thats going on in my life right now...

2003-04-26T11:14:00.000-04:00

so theres lots to say considering i missed a few days of writing...

wed. morning i got woken up to the sound of arefin calling my cell, who wakes up at the ungodly hour of 10 something... i do not know, and that basically kept me up[. he called me again later and we decided where to meet to hang out and go shopping. so we did... and i got a shirt (a very cool one), jeans, 3 pairs of flip flops, a bucket hat, socks, and a few hair things. arefin got i think 2 new shirts and a pair of REALLY REALLY REALLY cool sneakers... we had sooooo much fun together and i sang for him (i'm not even gunna say what) ... so that was always good.i got home wednesday night and just chilled... it was a lot of fun to just relax.

thursday i woke up late and relaxed... attempted to do some work but it wasn't in me, i had lots of crap on my mind. so i lounged around, it was very cool. i got a phone call from someone in my english group telling me that they forgot about our project and that we should meet the next day... not happening..i already had plans...

friday morning... my mom left early so i slept through my plans, but woke up just in time to shower and bizounce out the house to pick up alix. i had a bajillion bad omens as to why i shouldnt but i did.. and it wasn't that bad. just some more closure on crap. it was cool. so she and i hung out at her crib for some time and we played tekken and she burned me a cd and all that cool stuff. we just reminisced. we lef and hopped on the q to 42nd, where i met elliot and she met her friend. elliot and i went to the loews theater and decided to see anger management... AGAIN!!! well again for me at least... so then we hopped across the street (almost getting hit by a bus that said "ferry") and we went to eat at applebees... we spent 15 or so minutes waiting discussing why our little beeper thing should just beep... and then it finally did... so we sat down and couldnt understand what our waiter was saying at all but i deciphered him and we got everything we wanted... we talked and our food came REALLY quickly and we talked and ate and stuff. we left and went to the theater in which we had a 10 minute debate about which way his credit card should go into the machine... it was humorous... we finally got the tickets and it turned out to be playing in the same theter that jack and i saw dreamcatcher and that elliot and i saw mr. deeds during the summer... elliot complained to me that the seats i picked would make his neck hurt, so we moved to our usual seats... and we talked... just before the movie started a group of 4 (husband wife and 2 kids) asked if we would slide over, so they could sit next to us.. and i got stuck next to the little boy... he and the dad talked the entire movie, he screamed "EWWWWW" at any remotely sexual parts (such as kissing, lesbian kissing, and woman removing her clothes), and then he proceeded to pick his nose... YUMMMMMMMMMMM!!!! when the mvoie was over ell-rubs and i walked to the train station and he got shot a dirty look... and then he hopped on the r but i waited another half hour for a q train... it then took like 90 yeras to get home and i had my dad pick me up... i went home to call jack's cell and goob picked it up... because jack was in a fight, kicking "the shit" out of some kid... always very nice... so then alie called me and i talked to her but then i kept getting other calls so we hung up... i then took a shower, stayed online till about 2 and then went to sleep...

i have now woken up and am here with you... sweet deal ain't it...?

2003-04-23T10:38:00.000-04:00

ok... here is my description the goings on in my life...

monday, jack called and invited me and shawn (and carla) to come up to city island and chill... so we did and it took us 2 hours, a bus (for me) and 4 trains, o and a car ride... but it was cool... we had fun... (ahem ahem) and then i got angry... thats about all... o and btw.. jack can drink 3 beers in 5 minutes... arent we all proud... so my dad picked me and shawn up and we got stuck in traffic... shawn got home late, so did i... it sucked... whatever

i got up on tuesday morning, pissed off, to go to school and have ap bio tutoring... when i got there i saw griffin.. and he tried to slam me into a wall (all out of love) and then we talked for a while.. i went inside and figgy was my teacherish person... so he gave us a practice test and i got almost all the multiple choice right... it was so exciting and such. i got a call from jack telling me he was leaving his house to come pick me up and that was cool (kinda shocking cause i didnt think he'd wake up that early)... i got out of tutoring 20 minutes early and i walked to the train to pick him up, we ate at the diner and then we went to toys r us and i bought candy... we hopped on the 7 and went up to shea, waited for the ticket booth to open and listened to my satdium get abused... so we got our tickets and went inside, we sat all the way at the top of the stadium "with jesus". we chilled till the game started, where i got the worst lap dance ever... the game sucked but we talked the whole time about lots of crap... and it was cool. when the game was over we chilled around shea and then got on the train back. we took it to grand central and each got onto our respective trains...

turns out the q wasn't going to the last stop and i had to get out at prospect park at 12 at night, to take a shuttle bus... it turned out to not be that bad when i realized that i could get a window seat that was comfy, my mom picked me up and i went to sleep and now i'm here...

i was just told jeromy burnitz broke his hand when he was hit by the pitch... that sucks...

2003-04-21T15:01:00.000-04:00

Pink:
You see the world in bright pink. The world is a
happy, happy place! You love all people and
things!! Life is great! You're just like a
happy child. Spread the cheer.

*this quiz was made by href="http://www.uinmind.com/sara">Sara

What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-04-21T13:18:00.000-04:00

i think its funny how people react so differently to jealousy...

some people keep it to them selves, some try to salvage themselves, some talk about people behind their backs, others blatantly state it, some get angry, some get mean, and some deny it, some stare, some are just weird... pretending not to be jealous... being mean, thats just lying to yourself... its most annoying to others and really bad for you... i dont understand. if everyone in the world tells me that someone is very jealous and they have just become really mean and say shit about me... what am i suppsoed to believe? i don't get it. i think that some people should understand that the situation they are in, was brought upon by themselves... i had nothing to do with it...

so theirs this song on the adam green cd called "" and i feel like i'm missing something everytime i listen to it... but it's really just silence... thats kinda funny... everyone just sits their waiting for something to happen and its a minute of pure silence... i enjoy that...

2003-04-20T00:13:00.000-04:00

wow lots has happened in the past 2 days... ummm lets see... so...

friday morning i woke up with a burning throat and went down to philly with my mom to see my brother.. well you all know about that since i wrote about it in my last entry... but anywho... when i got back, jack and i got into an absolutely retarded fight where we were both really angry, so we wouldnt talk to each other for about 5 minutes before we resolved everything. i then went to meet up with shawn at irving plaza for the ben kweller concert. we were surrounded by white suburban kids on an emo rebellion... it was funny.. so then finally we got in and i realized that the people in front of us... i went to jhs with them.. randomly enough. as the place got more and more filled, shawn and i were surrounded by these big fat kids who kept moving in front of us... and one of them was like 900000 billion times the size of me and shawn put together... and he wouldnt stop touching these boys. whatever. so finally (after about an hour of waiting) the show started really late... the first band was a group called the kings of leon. they kinda sounded like a mix of van morrison and the doors... it was cool, you couldnt understand one word the lead singer was saying but the whole band was wearing tight jeans, and tight shirts, and had long hair with bangs... it was sooooo cute... turns out they were from tennessee. they played for a half hour, after that we waited about 10 minutes and then this really adorable adorable jewish guy named adam green came out.. and he was sooooooo funny... some girl threw him a bracelet that said "fuck me" and he started laughing, played a song in which he called her a cunt, and then laughed and said "i can't fuck you... i hate little girls." and everyone started laughing... he played for about 40 minutes and it was really cool. we waited like 30 minutes and then BEN KWELLER came on... and he was FAMAZING!!! i fucking loved how great he was... a few of the fat people who were hitting us finally left when he came on, so we slid over and took their spots and had lots of room. bk started playing this song "alexandra" and these 20 something year old guys started dancing like spazzes... shawn, who was standing next to them, made me switch with her cause she was scared of them. finally one of them caught me giving him weird looks and said:
weird boy: why aren't you shaking your ass?
me: what you're doing is not called shaking your ass, its called having a seizure...
weird boy: whatever
me: have you ever considered investing in some riddlin?
weird boy: i already do, I SNORT IT!!!
me: yeah ok... you're cool

he proceeded to spend the rest of the show trying to impress me and shawn with all of his friends... bk came out for an AMAZING encore and it so rocked my socks... so when the show was done, shawn and i went to the merch counter and each bought bk shirts and i bought the adam green cd for $5. it was really cool... when we got out of the show jack and i talked and resolved our problems... which was cool. then shawn and i took the train home and went to sleep...

we got woken up this morning, to find out that i had lost my voice, by mom and she told me that i had a baseball game to go to, so my dad and dropped shawn off at the f train and then proceeded to go to shea and i called marc to tell him that i loved him and i was sorry that i couldnt talk cause i was at a concert. i called up jack and listened to him make fun of the mets and we decided to chill. so i watched this "nail biting" game and in the end, when armando benitez was let in, i knew the mets lost, so we got up and left and went home. i talked to bunches of people and j and i picked what movie we were gunna see... my mom decided to drive me into union square and when i met up with jack, he was with shawn and devon. that was cool... considering the vast number of hours since i had last seen shawn. anywho, we went to the theater and saw anger management.. which was funny.. best quote ever: "whats that auntie em? is it a twister?" and then he gives the guy a tittie twister... hahaha i love that... and then we chilled in union square and i saw lots of mice...and i freaked out.. so we walked around and talked and stuff... and btw i am obssessed with adam green... his cd is sooooooo good.... and then my mom drove me home and i am now here with you... arent you glad?

well have a nice whatever....

2003-04-18T17:18:00.000-04:00

blah blah blah... im back... yeah im really annoyed.. but thats ok... I GOT MY LEARNER'S PERMIT!!! it's finally legal for me to the same thing that ive been doing illegally... sweet!! so yeah i took the test and i took me like 5 seconds and i got everything right.. and that rocked cause i was really scared... so my mom and i were driving home and we stopped at a light and she turned to me and said:
my mom: get out of the car and switch seats with me...
me: WHAT?!?!?!?
mom: yeah go ahead.. drive the rest of the way home...
me: ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!???!?!??!?! cause i cant do that...
mom: come on...
so we switched seats and i was squealing with excitement... cause im a naturally good driver... i think its from watching my mom so much... but i turned all by myself 3 TIMES!!! thats really good... and i had my mom really surpirsed.. cause i knoew where all the potholes were and avoided them and she was so happy for me... and i even parallel parked too... i rock sometimes...

today i went down to philly and back again before noon... that was funny... but i had fun... so whatever... my brother is proud of me and all that cool stuff.. im now eating a matzah and turkey sandwich.. which says something to you about my mood... buuuuut...

I'M GOING TO SEE BEN KWELLER TONIGHT WITH SHAWN!!! SWEET!!! look at my excitement... yay!

2003-04-13T10:00:00.000-04:00

hey, its been a few days now... but here i am... i'm too loyal to this goddamn thing... i thought i'd write a little something thats been on my mind.. hope you don't mind

how has my life ended up this way?
nothing stays the same from day to day
no one ever told me that this is how life would be
full of the bull shit, pain and anger that sits delicately on top of me
no one ever explained how other people are
you get where you want to, but you can't really get that far
i never got the memo that told me
"everytime you look at something, it reminds you of where you used to be"
cause i can look into your eyes
and instead of despise
i see depth, life
i can look into your lips
and see the smile that isn't there
but i can't ever see why i don't care
someone once told me that life is full of untaken roads
you live with regret, till one day it grows
and finally in a pang of remorse, it explodes
because you can't take it anymore
you want to go back to the day, week, month or year before
and then it comes to you
was it really you who changed at all?
was it really you who grew so big, from something so damn small?
and when you realize that even your friends have changed
is it you all along, your whole life rearranged?
could you ever return to the perfection you once were
once had, or should you be happy with the life you lead
full of disappointments, miscommunications, difficulties, and deceit
you can't make someone want to be your friend
theres only so much distance that you can bend
and you can't try to maintain something that isn't there
so even though you care
you must give up in despair
you can't risk your life on a constant
that's about to get up and leave
and you can't place your love in someone whose so willing to deceive
no one can love a kiss ass no matter how hard they try
because the shit they absorb will never let them dry
you don't know where one person begins and the other one ends
and thats exactly why those people make shitty friends
you can't try to be something you're not, no matter how happy it makes others
because you are you and that won't change
you can't storm into a room and demand respect
when you lack the intellect
to back that up
but you can be who you are, no matter how crappy
because change is impossible to make someone else happy
don't say what you don't really mean
because these things come back to haunt you in ways totally unseen
don't lie to yourself, because it's the most painful way
don't say something that you don't want to say
just close your eyes and remember your old life
the one of less strife
the one of perfection
that lacked all the deception
that is apparent here
everything will end up clear
don't blame others when it all falls on you
don't be a bitch when you don't have to
just smile and say
i could be happy any day
and go on your way
if you feel something pang deep inside of you
telling that person is the only thing to do
if that person cares enough, they'll understand
they won't demand
shit from you
like you expect them to
cause somedays, people can surprise you...

2003-04-05T09:33:00.000-05:00

hahaha yesterday was muy funny... i love having friends like gabby, alie and jack. they protected me with knees and backpacks and o my, we were all tom cruisish.... it was very funny...

hahaha apparently someone is mad at me for defending myself after they talked about me... that is so funny... they're "REALLY PISSED" hahahahaha people are so dumb... i'm sure it took days to write that intelligent letter, because all this shit happened liek 2 weeks ago... hehehe... people... never seize to amaze me.

frankie burned me the coolest sublime cd ever and all i've been doing is listening to it... it's famazing...

speaking of famazing... i miss adit... i hope she's having fun... tear tear...

MY LIFE SOMEHOW STILL ROCKS EVEN THOUGH IT SUCKS!!!!

o and btw, dont try to be my friend after you talk about me and ignored me. i think people are dumb for gettign offended at stuff like that... stupid people... hehehehe....

2003-03-29T09:00:00.000-05:00

haha... look at me up at the butt crack of dawn... go me... actually haven't fallen asllep quite yet and i can't fall asleep because of the delightful screeching birds... how lovely...

MY MOM GOT ME THE "O" RING FROM TIFFANY'S!!!! THIS IS SOOOOO EXCITING!!!

and a big thank you to the person who saved me last night, you know who you are...

2003-03-28T16:21:00.000-05:00

everytime my life sucks, something comes along and makes it better... this time it comes in the form of a new person to vent to... thank god for that... i love all the rumors that are going around about me and this person... hahaha....

i decided to come home and stay home this nice sweet friday afternoon because i do not feel well at all.. and yet i'm still happy... go figure...

I'M OUT!

2003-03-26T20:21:00.000-05:00

i do love gabby o so much... while talking about her scene in the play:

Hazel 1050: it has funny potential right?
Dancer527: yes definitely
Hazel 1050: ok good
Hazel 1050: and it has lots of sex and orgasms so i know you'll like it

i love her...

2003-03-19T20:37:00.000-05:00

forgot to mention these dazzling quotes from today:

gabby: laura... 69 more days till your birthday...
me: YAY! a lesbian love position till my birthday

me: adit, lick my ass
adit: i already have...

hahahah i do love my friends...

2003-03-19T19:45:00.000-05:00

so my ear hairs were screaming again... i feel bad cause its kinda like im intentionally killing...

i'm on the telefono con alie and she is proud of herself... we are now discussing willy wonka and the chocolate factory...

its taking me way too long to im myself... you should try it...

my life is blah because i chose to burn the bridges that i have crossed... and i now i realize that i have left something behind, but the bridge is gone and i can't go back... i wish i could change everything i've done because i miss how i used to be, i miss how everything used to be... it sucks... BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

ok so apparently i walked away from the computer about an hour and a half ago and this was still here... hahahaha... i love me...

so im still sad... but thats ok...

2003-03-15T10:11:00.000-05:00

hola, yes to those who know what happened... i did steal my computer back and sneaked online... my life has been majorly stressful... i dunno... i had an absent day yesterday... but i still went to school for ap bio... i'm just sad...

i don't think it's fair to request something from a person who is honestly not really all that willing to do so... you know i did'nt want it.. so why am i being forced into it?

thats all...peace out home dogs...

2003-03-13T18:12:00.000-05:00

so... i've heard a lot of stuff the past few days about a certain person and i've seen a lot of their actions and i don't understand how exactly it is that everything is supposed to return to normal... stuff has just turned out this way for a reason and i regret it, but it is what it is... and i do want to hear about what you're thinking...

this weather SUCKS!!!! in no way is it possible to be a week away from spring with this weather... YUCKKKKK!!!

blah blah blah... had an ap bio test today.. wasnt that bad... whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

2003-03-11T20:54:00.000-05:00

i def. love when people say stuff like this to me:

MicMac417t: i'm sorry for telling you all of my sexual problems
Dancer527: its ok
MicMac417t: but i trust your opinion

it just makes me feel cool...

i also enjoy when people think i'm cute... hot is nice but cute is ok... i don't care...

tralalalalalalalalalalala... i enjoyed bringing my camera to school today even though people thought i was filming them when i wasnt actually filming them... thats kinda funny...

i hate having issues... but you know me... when can i ever not have issues...?????

2003-03-11T18:16:00.000-05:00

so whats up? i'm still at school... i taped people today and that was mighty funny though i heard my voice and i hate it... YUCK!!!!!!! i hate feeling really uncomfortable and today i did... i dunno... i just need to talk to people about stuff....

2003-03-07T19:30:00.000-05:00

i have this overwhelming feeling like i'm missing something important and i swear i know what it is... but i don't want it to be that... today is the day of incubus... so here's some lovely lyrics to the song i've been humming all day... happy 10th!

To see you when I wake up, is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same, as I do, is a Three-fold utopian dream
You do something to me
That I can't explain
So would I be out of line, If I said
I miss you.
I see your picture, I smell your skin on, the empty pillow next to mine

You have only been gone ten days, but already I am wasting away
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon
But I need you to know, that I care
And I miss you...

tear tear...i know it's really sad to have that sad (AND AMAZING) song stuck in my head... but it is..

all is almost well... i just can't get stuff off my mind and this is affecting my womanly business... i dunno... this makes no sense...

2003-03-05T21:42:00.000-05:00

my blog sucks... like your mom...

2003-03-05T21:40:00.000-05:00

i'm listening to mmmbop right now... shut it... everyone loves that song...

i've been talking to adam for the past couple of hours more or less... he rocks... muy funny stuff.... i dont think i have ever been that entertained online before...

ummmm.... i'm in a dashboard mood so i'm putting n "for you notice" cause i want someone to sing that to me... maybe not sing it but play it for me or make me a cd with that on it cause its too damn great... IT MAKES ME SOOOOO HAPPY!!!! maybe i think that someone will sing me that...

so I PASSED THE AP BIO TEST!!!! sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!!!!!!

i need (notice the word) to go to the counting crows concert!!!! its a NEED!!!!.... mwahahahahahaa... i dunno... not much to say...

i may have a booty call soon... i've never had one before, this is kinda cool...

so adios... all the cool people should download "for you to notice" and "hands down" by dashboard confessional... be cool.. stay in school...

2003-03-04T23:02:00.000-05:00

blah blah blah...

2003-03-04T22:57:00.000-05:00

let's just say this is new york not baltimore...

This circus is falling down on its knees
The big top is crumbling down
It's raining in Baltimore fifty miles east
Where you should be, no one's around
I need a phone call
I need a raincoat
I need a big love
I need a phone call
These train conversations are passing me by
And I don't have nothing to say
You get what you pay for
But I just had no intention of living this way
I need a phone call
I need a plane ride
I need a sunburn
I need a raincoat
And I get no answers
And I don't get no change
It's raining in Baltimore, baby
But everything else is the same
There's things I remember and things I forget
I miss you I guess that I should
Three thousand five hundred miles away
But what would you change if you could?
I need a phone call
Maybe I should buy a new car
I can always hear a freight train if I listen real hard
And I wish it was a small world
Because I'm lonely for the big towns
I'd like to hear a little guitar
I think it's time to put the top down
I need a phone call
I need a raincoat

life is life is life... i seem so sad for someone who should be so happy... but i think this song explains alot of me right now...

2003-03-03T19:56:00.000-05:00

liz: "i must say that i enjoy tampons... the one thing about them that throws me off is the pure fact that i know that they're made by men. no women would ever think to invent an apparatus that has to be painfully inserted into your vagina. i swear these men just like knowing that somethings always up there."

my life is kinda like this crossroad... i can choose to grow up, mature and learn from my mistakes or i can choose to fester and sit solemnly, doomed to make all the same mistakes over and over again. but this time i know what to choose... the first one of course! i can only choose to remain the way i am a few more times before i have to change anyway, so i'll start now... i'm on the verge of changing and honestly, it feels good. so to celebrate, heres s kick ass song, but i'm changing the lyrics cause its about a girl and i don't really like girls... i just don't know what boys name to put in...

My friend assures me "it's all or nothing"
I am not worried, I am not overly concerned
My friend implores me: "For one time only make an exception"
I am not not worried
Wrap him up in a package of lies
Send him off to a coconut island
I am not worried, I am not overly concerned
With the status of my emotions "Oh", He says, "You're changing."
But we're always changing

It does not bother me to say this isn't love
Because if you don't want to talk about it then it isn't love
And I guess I'm going to have to live with that
But, I'm sure there's something in a shade of grey or something in
between
And I can always change my name if that's what you mean
My friend assures me "It's all or nothing"
But I am not really worried, I am not overly concerned
You try to tell yourself the things you tell yourself to make yourself
forget
I am not worried
"If it's love", he said, "then were gonna have to think about the
consequences"
He can't stop shaking and I can't stop touching him and.....
This time when kindness falls like rain
It washes him away and (blank) begins to change his mind
"These seconds when I'm shaking leave me shuddering for days" he says
And I'm not ready for this sort of thing

But I'm not gonna break and I'm not going to worry about it anymore
I'm not gonna bend and I'm not gonna break
I'm not gonna worry about it anymore
It seems like I should say "as long as this is love..."
But it's not all that easy so maybe I should just:
Snap him up in a butter fly net and just pin him down on a photograph
album
I am not worried, I've done this sort of thing before
But then I start to think about the consequences
Because I don't get no sleep in a quiet room and...
This time when kindness falls like rain
It washes me away and (blank) begins to change my mind
And every time he sneezes I believe it's it's love and
Oh lord.... I'm not ready for this sort of thing
He's talking in her sleep
It's keeping me awake and (blank) begins to toss and turn
And every word is nonsense but I understand and
Oh lord... I'm not ready for this sort of thing
His kindness bangs a gong
It's moving me along and (blank) begins to fade away
It's chasing me away
He disappears and
Oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing

i hope you guys got that all the he's or hims and such were originally feminine and all the blanks are a woman's name btu since i dont like ladies... i changed it...

i don't believe its almost 8 already... i feel so old... i dunno... that made no sense... but thats alright, i don't mind... i'm eating twizzlers right now, cause they make me feel little and cool and all that stuff... i just miss simplicity...

jason and i made my full kissing list as best we could (aka as best i could) and i came up with all of them except 8 or some number like that... it was funny... i dunno... i'm just bored... and tired and wanting my cell phone to ring and cold and procrastinating.... its a nice combo...

WELL HAVE A NICE NIGHT!

2003-03-02T20:12:00.000-05:00

so yeah... this weekend was cool... its the first time in about a week that i've been happy... i dunno... its weird... well i'm happy and thats all that matters.

so i hung out with bunches of people this weekend... and i have scientifically figured something out... you're first kiss is only a good kisser because he's your first... i now know this... it took 5 years but i found out and honestly i'm really sorry for him... he's only ok.

i made a kissing list for sylvia and i have been able to list all the guys i've kissed this year... so jen and i sat down and made a FULL list cause she knows all of mine (i honestly don't know how, but good job jen) SHE NAMED THEM ALL and told me the context of each kiss. so then we listed them all in order and came up with the best and the worst. the craziest thing is that the 2 of the top 5 bests came this year and 2 of the worsts also did. it's soooooo crazazy... i dunno... and not only that but i still talk to and like the 2 best and dont talk to the 2 worst.... randomness...

o and btw my mother just asked me a question that i'm only supposed to know in the summer (cause thats summery stuff) and i pulled the right answer out of my ass.... GO ME!

ummmmm.... i dunno... i think i'm getting used to change more easily. my little teen magazine said when you are experiencing a dramatic change that involves rejection (aka dumping of any kind) that you should do something creative... so i wrote like 90 bajillion poems, drank some alcohol (might creative of me), made 2 collages, cleaned both of my rooms, danced around, excercised, and basically wasted extreme amounts of time... the only thing i didnt do was my homework... hahahahaha...

i want to see the lion king again at imax, but i ave no one to go with me (not like i need anyone), and i'm too cheap. i just spent the whole first time not really paying attention, so i dunno... i thought it would be cool to see again... but maybe i'm crazy...

i think i'm gonna go do my homework... and maybe take a shower soon... thats always good...

TRALALALALALALALALA!!!!!

2003-02-28T23:40:00.000-05:00

today's assembly was the shiznit.... o my lord... i have such a totally new respect for jack... "white boy can shake that ass"... hahahahaha that kid was amazing... totally shocking but extra cool...

i believe that no matter where you are in life you will always have regrets. but there are some things that can never be changed. once you have a finality to your choice, you can't ever take that back. think before you act, if you want something enough, ask for it, try to achieve it, because if you want it that much it must be worth it. but you cannot change and you should not, under any circumstances make someone feel less because they don't happen to have something in common with you. it's not cool... AND DON'T FLAUNT IT!!!! thats just annoying... i'm just tired of it....

o and to sarah (if you still read this...) happy one year on the 17th... you know what i mean...

2003-02-27T22:45:00.000-05:00

if there's a skeleton in every man's house... than what is mine? could it be that i absolutely hate this world, i hate being prosthetic and fake and nauseatingly happy when i'm not... i hate how everything crescendoes into some jumble of shit thats bound to fall on me... why? because i am me... i was so fucking happy... and then what goes up must come down... and boy, when it rains shit, it fucking snows... so yesterday was the worst day of my life, if you know why, then you know why.. and today was only the aftermath of everything... and i found out that mr. rogers died... thats just it...

i feel like today i have officially lost my innocence, whatever made me some safe and protected child has been snatched away. mr. rogers was the man... who else could pull off sweater vests and those horrendously atrocious shoes and still be the coolest man ever? MR. ROGERS COULD!!!! and i loved that trolley, with the king and queen... i always dreamed that my kitchen would look like mr. rogers' kitchen... it was so cool. i always thought that if you wanted it enough you could have friends like his. friends who came over and taught you new things, friends who cared enough to not think it was weird that you had a trolley car running through your house or that you talked to sock puppets... i used to imagine that my husband (someday) would grow up and be just like mr. rogers, with that gentle soothing caring voice, goofy clothing, and just a love of everything.... but i'm wrong... life isnt like that... nothing is ever that easy... LIFE IS BULLSHIT!!!!

you never get what you want, and when you get what you want, you can't ever keep it long enough to enjoy it... we are born to suffer... its just that somehow in the middle of all the crap, there is that one thing that you can always rely on, but one day that thing is swiped away from you... you are done...

i dunno... i think that its impossible to imagine liking someone from the moment you meet them... but its happened to me and it won't go away... i have never felt that way and i always kinda thought that was cool... i guess i was the only one who felt that way... blah blah blah...

i hate that feeling of rejection that comes from being yelled at, lied to, left alone, failing, crying... its almost as if you are some bad person because this happens to you, but you're not bad, you're just being tested... BUT I'M DONE WITH TESTS!!! i just want a sure thing i my life... i'm tired of looking at things and saying how i wish i had them... i want to reach out and grab them... apparently though in this world, when you want something, you need mutual agreements... i no longer choose to be mutual... i am not mutual... what people want to do is just that ---- what they want to do... if you want to be with me, as a friend or otherwise... you need to decide that on your own... i no longer help... i don't care enough... i've tried too hard to hold things together and all they do is crash down... i'm done with getting hit on the head... i will no longer try... you want me... you need to try for me... i'm fucking worth it...

2003-02-24T22:29:00.000-05:00

whats crackin' home dogs? ummmm... im bored... yes i'm bored... this is so unusual for me... i always remember that i used to be more entertained than this... i have the song "save the best for last" stuck in my head... i dunno... maybe that has some hidden meaning or something... I'M IN THE WORST MOOD EVER!!!! today just sucked...

WHEN THE ROAD GET DARKS
AND YOU CAN NO LONGER SEE
LET MY LOVE THROW A SPARK
AND HAVE A LITTLE FAITH IN ME!!!!

yes.. i know i may have messed a few words up... but none the less.. i still equally love that god forsaken song...

when i got off the b49 today, i fell into a huge pile of snow and it went into my shoe, so now my socks smell like bussy snow (and yes i did mean bussy ---> bus related)...

i wondered what was wrong with you, cause how could you give your heart to someone else and share your dreams with me?

yes that was the aforementioned song stuck in my head... brooklyn snow is dirty... because plowymen in brooklyn just push all the snow onto the sidewalk and apparently people in brooklyn either dont walk or dont cross streets because they're are no footprints except for the ones i made...

blah blah blabbidy blah... i doubt anyone actually reads this anymore... people are just caught up in their own worlds... i need people to call me or something... i've gone mad... but apparently my cell phone makes ticking noises when it on a call (this is after it was thrown full force into a wall and didnt break)... i do love how my cell could tap the floor and shatter into 4 different parts but when it hits the wall at 30 mph it doesnt it shut off.... whats up with that?

i'm unhappy... i need to fix the unhappy parts... i dont know what to do... BUT I WON THE BET!!! well partially but thats good enough for me... didnt thin kit would go on this long... but apparently it has and that rocks... i know this makes no sense to anyone but maybe 1 person... but thats ok... i dont mind...

jason and i binge eat at mcdonalds...

2003-02-22T12:53:00.000-05:00

cock and balls... i changed my blog name to a really good quote from a really good counting crows song on a really good cd... yes... i finally got august and everything after... YAY!!! my new favorite line from a song..

It doesn't bother me to say this isn't love
Because if you don't want to talk about it then it isn't love
And i guess I'll have to live with that....

GO ME!!! i'm still bored...

2003-02-22T12:46:00.000-05:00

blah blah blah... im back and im muy lonely... i have no one to chill with... all you dumb hoes are away.... im so boreded... dammit... i haven't done anything since im back and i wish i could.... its raining out... i dont like rain/snow combo.... kinda squishy.... i dunno... call me people... im very bored...

2003-02-15T10:06:00.000-05:00

as usual.... valentines day sucked... i just had hoped that it wouldnt have... this year was supposed to be different but apparently it wasnt... im just sad about how everything ended... shit sucks...

i'm leaving for france in a few hours and i was kinda hoping that someone would call me.... to at least say bye... but i suppose thats not happening... well bye to you then... withering rose, ain't i??

this is what happens when you let me loose
it's like a slam into a wall when i spring the truth
and i can't deal with the shit thats here
so i'm running away, like a baby, from fear
i'm running away from you
and you know its true
theres nothing i can change about that
cause theres weeks of anger clogged up
and i just need to get it out
i'm tired of being ignored
treated like shit
i'm not down with it
i'm tired of not getting the props that i earn
this is what you need to fucking learn
i'm sick of being attached to your reputation
i just want to leave this situation
cause i will always be linked to her, not you
and in their eyes, that makes me a ho too
i'm bored with smiling
when i really want to knock you out
i feel like crying,
when you push me down
and you give me this little smile
cause you know that i havent said a word in a while
you know me,
i talk endlessly,
you know somethings wrong
and you knew it all along
but you pretend like its fine
and it blows my mind,
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU BE THAT WAY?
how can you be my man, and ignore me the next day?
don't you want to say bye to me?
cause remember i'm your rose,
the one who broke down that fucking wall
or was it really me at all?
but i can't forget what you've done for me
cause you constantly put my mind at ease
you are beautiful, inside and out
with a doubt
you've got this heart that bleeds only love
and you've got these eyes
that look like the bluest sky above
with the twinkle of something i can't describe
you are you
and thats what makes me love you
and i can't deal without
cause sometimes i just want to be with you
but now its over and there's nothing i can ever do....

2003-02-09T20:19:00.000-05:00

very bored... reading alies blog... she made her friends sing rubber ducky... my friends can sing who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?

Maks 83: uhm
Maks 83: not me...
Maks 83: *hides cookie crumbs*

AKudman624: wasnt me
AKudman624: it was barney
AKudman624: he's not so innocent like every1 thinks he is
AKudman624: right after he stole the cocoa pebbles
AKudman624: he's really sneeky...like how he tricked pebbles that he was a dog

MIKEPAN99: i stole the cookie from the cookie jar
MIKEPAN99: and it was good

Shawnie87: me

DonaldBobson: ur mom stole the cookie from the cookie jar

PurifiedFire: Laura stole the cookie from the cookie jar
PurifiedFire: yes, you (I think)

NyCxyUja86: I did bitch
NyCxyUja86: LOL

Peaches2012: ur mom

i love my friends...

me: hello?
amanda: yoda!
me: ummmm... ok
amanda: i meant to say yo and its amanda but it didnt work...

2003-02-09T17:47:00.000-05:00

soooooo whats up my homies?

ummm this has been a cool weekend... yes it has... ummmm friday.. i ate with jason and then went home and cleaned my room... YAY! hahahaha...

yesterday i woke up and went shopping with my mom... i got a dress, a new duster, and a pretty shirt. while we were shopping we got free makeovers and ended up looking terrible so we took it all off.. then shawnster called me and asked if i wanted to hang out with her... so i went home and then got driven to her house... we frolicked about and decided to eat at cosi... so on the way we talked about penises and sexual stuff... it was funny... we got to cosi and ordered food and such but our waiter sucked and it took him about 90 hours to come over to our table... so we talked lots (SHAWN IS COCKNORMOUS!) and then we got the s'moreos thing... which is way too cool for its own good and our flame went out twice (we were burning paper and sticks and chocolate and such)... and we finally got our check 40 minutes after we finished eating... so we left the waiter about 80 cents as a tip but we mostly paid in change and then ran out giggling... we walked the wrong way (smart shawn) so instead of turning around we took the long way on the promenade ( "quiet zone" shhhhh... right over the highway) and then we saw the most disgusting thing ever!
*hint hint*
me: AHHHHH!!! WAS THAT A MOUSE!!?!?!?!?!?!?!
shawn: nooooo that was the largest rat i've ever seen...
me: WHY ARE THEY IN THE STREETS??? AREN'T THEY SCARED OF THE SNOW LIKE NORMAL ANIMALS????

so then we went back to shawn's and watched igby goes down, then zoolander and we finally at like 2 in the morning decided to just go to sleep, we woke up this morning and watched the american president and then i left.....

my mom icked me u pand we went shopping again... and i saw someone from elementary school... that was cool.... yes sireeeee....

so now i'm just sitting here....

2003-02-05T17:32:00.000-05:00

just came from the student-faculty volleyball game..... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... and that is all i have to say about that....

i need white shoe polish.... blah blah blah...

so brian, being the happy go lucky person that he is, has inspired me to change... now of course this doesnt mean i will actaully change but trying is nice.... i need to stop disliking people so much, so i made a lisyt of everyone i dont like and now i am going to slowly but surely resolve all the problems... but what happens when i get to the people with whom i dont want to resolve my issues with? i mean that i do but that im so content with my life now that i dont need to... what the hell am i gunna do then? i have worked very hard on being an enormous annyoing bitch and it was working so well for me too.....

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! i can hear some girl singing and by the way.... she is way off key.... she thinks that she's soprano... while i think shes shitprano.... just my personal opinion of course....

im wearing pink argyle socks... o yes... i am that cool.... thats cause i kept taking my shoes off all day..

blah is my new word of the week.... cause i feel BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

i just wish all the shit in my lfie was over.... very very over.....

do you like how i keep skipping lines for no reason.... other than my add?

ok so my mom and i are leaving on the 15th and not the 14th which is sooooo cool because then i get to spend my valentines day home (a.k.a. new york city) and thats so cool in my book....

when people have bad breath.. should you tell them even thoguh you dont want to hurt their feelings? cause nobody who reads this blog has bad breath... im just saying... and if you think its you... pop an altoid or something... just dont let me se... i mean smell you....

2003-01-31T23:01:00.000-05:00

intruiging day i had...

i woke up at 8 to pick up marc so that we could go to gabby's birthday celebration (HAPPY BIRTHDAY GABBY!)... so i hopped upon my delightful train and then hopped on the 3 and picked up marc... we got on the 2 and then the w and then the 7 (with "the queens folk"). we met up with amanda and waited around for the bus and then we took it to gabbys...

once we got to gabbys, we had lots of really good food, watched sex and the city and then had a very LOUD discussion about a lot of crazy political things...

after that we (being a few people) left, and hopped on the bus, then on the 7, and i decided to go hang out with amanda... so we walked and went into a store and tired on clothes and then went to grey's papaya. amanda got a hot dog and i got... nothing... we went to go get me pizza. amanda and i got to talk about a lot of cool stuff and apparently we have the same distaste as well as taste... and we watched the best tape ever!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHA!!!!!!!

after i left amandas i hopped on the train and went on my jolly way home.... when i got off the train i specifically walked about hoping to finding some people i know and luckily (that can be debated) i found some.... hahahaha some of what i have yet to figure out.... "my" boys, as they have been designated, were enjoying a new february eve dinner and i got to talk to them (eric, ryan, john, jack 1, and a few more...) of course there was of course the presence of an utter asshole (you know he is) named rob that can be debated... i promise that the next time i am told i have junk in my trunk or that i should give him head (in a joking manner).. im going to break his face in.... smile smile...

other than that.... I HAD A DELIGHTFUL DAY!!!!!!!!

2003-01-30T20:44:00.000-05:00

did i mention how when i was shopping today i saw mr. brown? aka einstein the sub guy... the really cool one... he smiled and waved at me... i love him...

2003-01-30T20:24:00.000-05:00

sooooo i had a delightful few days..... ummmm lets see...... i don't really know what to say.... i'm throughly out of it...... i made nice cake... for my mom and i bought her a 5 lb. tub of twizzlers.... hmmmmmm.... i'm just making dots so that this appears longer... tralalalala... i'm a general flavor of the week... just call me double fudge brownie.... gotta represent for the ben and jerrys... or maybe rocky road... i dunno... i'm quite bored... and being ignored... hahahaha that rhymes...

last night i walked about with eric and jennifer which was funny... cause we went out to get air, without jackets on and jen was plastered... hahaha... that was humorous...

me: i'm making mom a cake... what do you use to make line the pan with?
mike: i use margarine or butter.... are you ok doing this?
me: well i dont know... i've never made butter alone before...

(russian man walking in front of us)
jen: look at me, I'M RUSSIAN TOO!
me: unless you are planning to just say that... please don't scream out anymore..
eric: i don't plan on being in somone's borscht...

eebs (a.k.a eliott) : let's just say you've made me feel like a new woman...

(jackie (eebs little sister) blasting shakira..)
eebs: ok bitch you win.... shit this is like the sickest torture ever.... she sounds like a goat on crack....

me: linz, feel my bra... its so stiff
linz: ok (touches the bra)
john: OK WHY ARE GIRLS TOUCHING BOOBS????? can i play this game? i'm good at it...

ang: what are you drinking?
nicky: water....
ang: hahahahaha so you're drinking piss colored water in a corona bottle?
nicky: yes... thats the new trend amongst the masses... of me...

me: it's 8:30
eric: dammit we're missing dawson's creek
john: haha... i got my mom to tape it...

jackie: underneath your clothes, there's an endless story, theres the man i chose
eebs: theres an endless story that you're never gunna read...

andrew: i'm tired
john: i want a nap
eric: what is this? the geriatric team?

me: i'm walking on sunshine
john: actually thats snow covered in piss...same thing...

many more humorous drunk moments.... blah.... i feel so fucking blah....

2003-01-27T20:04:00.000-05:00

i was told that i should be a writer because i have an amazing grasp of emotion and i can bullshit like nobody else.... i suppose thats a compliment...

today after the insanely easy english regents, leslie and i went to lunch... for 5 hours... hahahahha it was so much fun... leslie and i talked about so much stuff, we make good use of time....
horizontal lunch, leslie is definitely a meat eater... hahahahahaha, why we would never ever be lesbians, "79, 81, 70" and many other really funny things...
i love catching up with leslie.... she is so cool...

apparently, some boys from our school are missing... it's really sad....

Chillingir: give me a tur
Dancer527: tur
Chillingir: give me a key
Dancer527: key
Dancer527: give me a balls
Chillingir: DUDE YOU KNEW
Chillingir: youre too cool
Chillingir: BALLS!
Dancer527: hahahaha
Chillingir: BIZZALLS!

Dancer527: and then these spanish girls came in and one of them was talking about how she was fucking some guy in spanish and so i looked at her and then she started talking about how i was looking at her in spanish and i was like "bitch, yo hablo espanol"

today was an all around delightful day.... especially when disi told me that she still reads my blog and my entries make her laugh... i guess she and i are just that cool....

did you ever feel really left out but didnt want to say anything? welcome to my world.....

i wanna live on the moon
never see a human again
and when the earth explodes
i'll light a candle for my dead best friends...

2003-01-20T23:47:00.000-05:00

brian: you got beef?
me: yeah i got i beef
brian: but you're a vegetarian

Dancer527: would you use different soap for your penis than for the rest of you?
fireal820: hehe, sumthin sensitive
Dancer527: like dove
Dancer527: dove... the penis soap
fireal820: hehe
Dancer527: haahhaha
fireal820: i like the pink one
Dancer527: white for your body, pink for your penis
Dancer527: ?
fireal820: lol, that works out jus fine
fireal820: a wole color code system
Dancer527: what aboit loofas?
fireal820: loofas?
Dancer527: those things that you put body wash on
fireal820: oh i never used one of those, in awhile
fireal820: but u kno what
fireal820: i do use body wash
fireal820: oil of olay

adit's sweet 16 was muy fun.... I LOVED IT!!!! jew crew rocked it '03 style... and alie and i rocked it up bayside/brooklyn style....

TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART STEPHANIE!!!!!!

2003-01-18T10:04:00.000-05:00

last night brian took me to go see the lion king at IMAX! o.. he and i should never go see a disney movie together because we were giggling like 5 year olds, and singing and reciting all the lines of the movie... and i proved my theory to him that i get shot dirty looks by 12 year old girls... we also hung out at lincoln center and tower and we bought cosmo... very fun stuff...

i took the train home and that was funny cause i fell asleep and when i woke up the guy next to me turned to me and said "IT'S KINGS HIGHWAY!!! is that your stop??" i've never seen anyone care like that on a train before... but since i called my mom a litle too late i had to wait for her... so i went and bought candy... but then i went back outside and i thought i was like in minnesota or one of those places that you hear is like negative 50 degrees... when i got home i went straight to sleep... and now i'm here with you....

i took my ap bio test yesterday and i think i actually might have done a good job... i was quite happy.... but then again that probably means that i failed crazily.... she told us that this test can only help us. not hurt us... so i suppose thats good...

my life is so good that it actually has become bland.... its terrible that this bothers me...that i actually need drama.... but i dont have any.... i'm "peachy keen" (in the words of cody)..... grrrrr.... im going back to sleep... hopefully i'll get my voice back (though i do love sounding like a chain smoker of 40 years and a 13 year old boy going through puberty)...... and IM GOING SHOPPING!!! that always makes me feel better....

2003-01-15T21:42:00.000-05:00

mwahahahahahahahahah..... changing of the blog worked.... go me.... i just wish you could read what it says....

2003-01-15T20:28:00.000-05:00

this was supposed to go on the blog awhile ago...

MAGMAFLOOD: i want my own private dancer527

hahahaha... i love that....

taken from the words of my journal...

why exactly is it that adults call children immature? in the 34th street train station, there is this sculpture. the purpose of it is to act as a device that provides music using a motion dectector that needs to be activated by the raising of you hand way above your head. i have spent hours sitting in this train station on a bench in front of this sculpture. i have seen business men, couples on their way home, people in a rush breezing by, young children scrambling to reach it and then finally being lifted as their parent who places down arms full of packages, i have seen homeless men and women, curious tourists, young girls carrying heavy sports bags and some kate spade bags, i have seen myself. but what amazes me is how when playing with this sculpture, we are all the same person. that man in a business suit who casually lifts his arms above his head as if no one will see IS THE SAME AS that little boy squealing to be picked up so that he may brush his arm past it and hear the animal noises. no matter what we all play pretend, some of us as fairy princess or knights in shining armor, some of us as someone we are not in high school, and some us by dressing everyday in a suit and going to work. we are all little children inside even though some of us are allowed to show it a little more.... its unfair how any adult could say a child is immature... we are all the same..... no matter what bag you carry, that machine has no prejudice... so indulge your inner child... remember what made you smile and smile again... even if it leads you to that 34th street station.... wave your arm, free yourself.... free your child....

2003-01-11T09:15:00.000-05:00

i am very sick... and i went home early yesterday.... im sure no one noticed anyway.....

do you know what i think is funny about the world? we are such a self centered place.... and don't even try to say that you're not.... everyone is... i swear as we get older the word sympathy loses its meaning more and more. I can guarantee you that i won't show it anymore till i'm granted it myself... because i don't get any... i'm sorry, frowny smiles don't work for me anymore....

mom: s-u-c-c-e-s-s, thats the way we spell success.. your mama...

mickey: you know the elvis song "return to sender"?
me: yes... what about it?
mickey: i think it's a bitter sweet evocative love song to the postal service... and the only reason that these mail"people" are so disgruntled is because elvis died and they get no more love....

eric: i am jewish, here me roara, we dance the hora and light the menorah.....

have a delightful day...

2003-01-06T22:31:00.000-05:00

my teacher bet her mother $1000 that her first child will be a girl..... she is so dumb.... the oddest thing ever: curly hair is a dominant gene.... thats craaaaaaazzzzyyyy....

hahahahaha it snowed today but not like that other day.... it was still cool though...

cody and i talked on the phone..... that was so odd considerig we kept saying that we had to go yet we continued to talk......

i have the best (imaginary) relationship ever...

o and please do ask me to see my interpretive dance about the period... you will enjoy my fallopian tubes....

2003-01-05T18:31:00.000-05:00

these are a few samples of the very funny conversations i've had over the past day or so:

jess: she had a nose bleed and so i told her you need to yell at your body and say "BITCH THATS THE WRONG HOLE!!! GO DOWNSTAIRS!!!"
me: o my god...
jess: then i told her if she really wants her period... she should shake her vaginal area furiously until it starts bleeding

me: i'm gunna go wash my hair
mom: but we're not home... what if you get hurt?
me: o yes, somewhere in the process of lather rinse repeat, i'm going to shampoo myself to death
mom: with you.. you never know..

mom: i looked at his penis...
me: WHOA!!! too much information!!!
mom: well you told me to
me: when did i ever say that?
mom: when you said "look at his penis"

that and my brother chasing me around the house singing and dancing to "2 legit 2 quit"

my life is so odd....

2003-01-05T15:48:00.000-05:00

i adore alie for introducing me to barbie.com... because that website rocks my socks....

i've been listening to american pie (the song) and i didn't realize how long it was, and how many references are made to the devil....

i feel like doing one of those things that you say stuff about yourself... lord knows that no one knows anything about me...

nine things you wear daily:
- a bra
- a shirt
- underwear
- socks
- shoes
- a hair scrunchie somewhere
- pants
- gloves
- my jacket

eight movies you'd watch over and over:
- Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory
- Monsters, Inc.
- Hey Arnold! The Movie
- Spice World
- The Cutting Edge
- Can't Hardly Wait
- Dirty Dancing
- Harry Potter

seven albums that matter:
- Phantom Planet- The Guest
- The Beatles- #1s
- Nirvana- Nevermind
- Norah Jones- Come Away With Me
- Incubus- Make Yourself
- Smashing Pumpkins- Melancholy and The Infinite Sadness
- John Lennon- Imagine

six objects you touch every day:
- my shower door
- my cell phone
- my chapstick
- the pole on a train
- my hair
- a pen

five things you do every day:
- laugh
- breathe
- blink
- sing
- yawn

four bands that you couldn't live without:
- The Beatles
- Phantom Planet
- Incubus
- Backstreet Boys

three of your favorite songs at this moment:
- Ja Rule ft. Bobby Brown- Thug Lovin'
- John Mayer- Love Song For No One
- Simon and Garfinkel- I Am A Rock

two people that have influenced your life the most:
- mom
- i honestly don't know

one thing you could spend the rest of your life with:
- music

so now i'm contented and have done one of them..... tra la la la la la la la.... so now im off to finish my health project...

2003-01-04T21:01:00.000-05:00

you know what i hate about our school? the fact that nothing... and i mean nothing.. can happen without a million other people knowing it... and most of the time... people have things absolutely wrong. i like to know since when am i in a relationship with brian? because it appears to me that i am and yet i never even knew it happened... yes its true that i like him and its also true that i hang out with him... since when is being someone's friend mean your really fucking them? tell me... cause if thats true, i'd like to know why i'm missing out... everyone in our school manages to mess things up because they suddenly believe that their assumption is true... honestly, if you never heard it from me... then don't assume its true... and i love how i'm being called a liar, because people feel that what other people tell them about my life is true... rather than what i say. i hate this school.... it is full of the most annoying people who have absolutely nothing to do other than to sit there and make comments about the status of other people's lives... which obviously means that they have none of their own... how many more people in this school can i be linked to? it appears to me that i am the biggest whore in the world because all i ever hear is who i'm fucking, giving head to, going out with, or something else... and the funniest thing is.... i'm not doing any of that last time i checked... i have to deal with a year and a half more of this shit..... why don't people find someone else to bother? i'm tired of it....

2002-12-30T12:07:00.000-05:00

hahaha i love bob barker....

2002-12-30T12:01:00.000-05:00

Which guy are you destined to have sex with?
brought to you by Quizilla

Bob Barker: you like them old and wrinkly. And hosting their own game show isn't bad either.

2002-12-30T11:58:00.000-05:00

* Which Tragic Shakespearean Heroin are You? *
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2002-12-30T10:32:00.000-05:00

ugh......

2002-12-27T17:49:00.000-05:00

woke up this morning and went to bio tutoring at school... when i got there, my little bundle of sunshine brian was there.... so that was ok.... i didnt really get to hang out with many people... i had 3 insane hours of regents bio tutoring and then i hung out with my mom and such and such...... now i'm home and tired and bored and i have a headache......

i wish i got everything i wanted cause if i did everyone that i wanted to would live near me all the time and then i could see people everyday rather than not at all..... and it sucks....

2002-12-26T19:49:00.000-05:00

BLOG WILL UPDATE..... NOW!

2002-12-26T19:45:00.000-05:00

sooooo alie and i hung out today and went shopping... she was on the news and she looked veeeeery perty.... hahaha and my favrite part

alie: why don't you like peppermint?
me: i've never been a big fan of nuts....

so we chilled and shopped and it was enjoyable... i kinda miss hanging out with alie, seeing as we barely do that anymore...

and i have a very large crush on someone...... ilb....... no that wasnt a typo

2002-12-25T11:04:00.000-05:00

so..... i suppose a merry christmas is in order here... i just want you to know that this christmas should be a time for reflecting on a lot of crap... just think about how you've treated yourself and others this year, think about whether or not you've been true to yourself... never take what you want for granted... secure what you believe is yours becausing its absolutely shocking how quickly is can slip away.... this christmas think about that...

2002-12-23T09:49:00.000-05:00

haha im really bored...

2002-12-23T09:48:00.000-05:00

Why Will You Go To Hell?
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2002-12-23T09:42:00.000-05:00

""Which cocktail are you?""
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2002-12-23T09:39:00.000-05:00

How azn are u?
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2002-12-22T20:56:00.000-05:00

so.... im kinda bored and i want to chill with interesting people...

2002-12-22T14:55:00.000-05:00

fresh out of the shower and my neck is very much hurting.... yesterday was a bothersome day.... i had to go all the way to bayside cause i left my phone is brian's bag and so i convinced my dad to drive me.... wrong decision... on the way there and back he discussed why i should be grateful to him and how queens sucks and "there's nothing redeeming about it" with a few more curses in there... that wasnt too bad cause i got some work done on my english...

i feel bad about last night though.... i was supposed to hang out with someone but when i got my phone is turns out i had about 100000000000000000 voice mails on it... and so when i listened to them i started freaking because i found out that someone i know had tried to kill themselves and so me and my friend rushed over to talk with bunches of people and we stayed up late discussing stuff..... i, of course, didnt check my voicemails till about 8:15 so i was a tid but late but a few people were.... so i still feeel bad but i did what i had to do.......

im doing alot of ponderanceing lately... i have a lot of things to think about...

2002-12-20T00:47:00.000-05:00

with laura goo....

2002-12-20T00:46:00.000-05:00

brian is a snothead...

2002-12-19T07:45:00.000-05:00

What Type Of Retro Gal Are You?
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2002-12-19T07:44:00.000-05:00

Which Broadway Leading Lady Are You?
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2002-12-18T20:08:00.000-05:00

so another profound moment brought to you in part by the laura herself...

yeah so i had my funny little conversation or whatever... but now i have a real issue at hand....

how can you change who you are when you've been a certain way such a long time? i find myself being this grumpy little butthead lately and i can't stop it... i don't know what it is... maybe i just see a flaw in the way this whole system works... ever since i was little i have always outgrown people after a really short amount of time... it takes me moments to realize what people really are underneath the cover that they put up.... i've noticed this all but my reaction time is soooo slow... if i feel a certain way i can't tell people... i can't tell people that i'm sick of them... i just have to pretend as if i constantly care... what's sad is that i'm sooo used to doing this that even now i can't do it... and i'm sure i'm not the most enjoyable person to be around sometimes... and that's understandable... but i just wish that my life, my friendships, anything was more open to communication... i wish i could go back and ensure that i'm not what i am now... not that i'm saying that i am some horribly evil person, but i've just become selfish and burned out... i keep things that should be told as secrets and everything i should keep to myself out in the open.... i betray people because i crave attention and i don't ever seem to get enough of it... i need to have everyone pay attention to me, adore me, tell me i'm their best friend, but instead i get "laura loves me".... i can't deal with that... it bothers me that i'm still not strong enough to know how to deal with all that friendship crap... constantly overwhelmed, constantly sad... faking happiness is soooo difficult.... i just want to be pampered for once.... i need to get random presents for just being loved, and when given real occasion presents, i need more than one thoughtless thing, i need something that has meaning.... i don't ever get people presents that i just see and say well i need to get one more... might as well get that.... but thats what everyone does for me... so from now on... i need to change...i need to not be what i am... i need to fix everything that can't be fixed... i need to say i love you less because at this point i dont mean it... i have no one to love... i need to realize that someone has to love me somewhere.... i just need to be shown that sometimes...

2002-12-18T18:55:00.000-05:00

blah blah blah.... your mom...

2002-12-18T18:53:00.000-05:00

i love my friends..... eric just emailed me the conversation he and i had on the phone... hahahahahaha...... its soooo random... o btw... im laura and he's the "me"

Laura: I've been standing in the cold for 10 minutes waiting for a bus and 2 seconds before it comes this Russian women steps in front of me..... GRRRRRRR!!!!
me: so what did you do?
laura: I said "move bitch get out the way..."
me: hahahah no you didn't
laura: you're right... i didn't... but she turned around and was soooo ugly i thought "might as well let her go... she looks like she's been run over by thousands of buses anyway"
me: you're such a bitch.... she'll kill you one day..... you're a russian mafia's dream....
laura: i know..... ok help me out.... this place is called C.U. Baby.... what the fuck does C.U. mean?
me: maybe the u is named after a country of some sort
laura: i can't think of that many countries that start with u
me: i can only think of two...... uzbekistan and uruguay..
laura: hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha....
me: what's so funny?
laura: think of where you live....
me: new york doesn't start with a u
laura: try the united states..
me: yeah but that doesnt count
laura: hahahah whatever (hums "jenny from the block") Can i call you eric from the block?
me: or not.... can i call you laura from the block?
laura: sure but you need to change the song.... i dont have very many rocks....
me: (i ponder brilliantly for a moment) "Don't be fooled by the clothes she may rock, she's ghetto Laura from the jew block"
laura: HAHAHHAHAHAHA!!! i love that............. dum dum dum dum dum dum dum... "how many licks till you get to the center of a tootsie roll pop...." O MY GOD!! i have just seen the best thing ever... a salon called "Hairapy"
me: is that supposed to be hair and therapy put together?
laura: why yes it is....
me: god i love the words that get invented in brooklyn. guess what? i'm a hojewdent....
laura: do i want to know?
me: hot jewish student...
laura: i think you're pushing the hot comment..... just say famazing...
me: shut up.... your word may be better but i'm fcooler....
laura: in your fudreams...

yes.... he and i are losers.... but fun ones at that..... rah rah.... your mom....

2002-12-16T16:05:00.000-05:00

bah humbug.....

2002-12-16T15:59:00.000-05:00

did you know that im considered anorexic....? o yes i am.... the definition is as follows:

What is anorexia nervosa?

Anorexia nervosa is a life-threatening eating disorder defined by a refusal to maintain body weight within 15 percent of an individual's minimal normal weight. Other essential features of this disorder include an intense fear of gaining weight, a distorted body image, and amenorrhea (absence of at least three consecutive menstrual cycles when otherwise expected to occur) in women. Sometimes people starve and binge-purge, depending on the extent of weight loss. This can be physically very dangerous. People who present an on-going preoccupation with food and weight even at lesser weight reductions would benefit from exploring their cognitive and relationship skills.

The term anorexia literally means loss of appetite, but this isn't a true symptom of the disorder. In fact, people with anorexia are usually hungry, but they control their eating. This is frequently sublimated through cooking for others or hiding food in their personal space which they will not eat.

now if you read that part about 15 percent of your body's normal weight.....

well.... my normal body weight should be between 130-135 pounds.... 5 percent of that is 19.5-20.25 pounds....... now i'm about.. let's see a little over 22 pounds underweight.. i don't consider that anorexia at all.... i consider that being skinny....

thats bothersome....

2002-12-15T09:50:00.000-05:00

you can tell my dad loves brooklyn.... whenever he talks about it.... all there is: LOVE! its disgusting..... i think that the only reason my dad likes it so damn much is because he practically rules brooklyn... he knows where he's going, he knows people wherever he goes... hell if brooklyn were like that for me.... i'd stick a fucking ecko crown on my forehead and pronounce myself queen....

i've had a terribly bad weekend...... my mom is presently screaming at me.... and i am just ignoring her ("LAURA COME ON CLEAN SOME OF THIS!!!!!!!!!!")...... i'm tired of crappppppppppppppppppppppppppp and the more im with people the more i notice it.... its muy annoying......

last night i was in the middle of hanging out with someone(boy) when someone else(another boy: from our school) called me.... that was humorous.... hahahahahhahahaha.....

well i'm off to go kill myself...... hahahaha.... just kidding.....

2002-12-15T09:45:00.000-05:00

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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and BTW THIS IS DISGUSTING!!!!

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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2002-12-12T20:29:00.000-05:00

i love and adore the ground that people in brooklyn walk upon.... while driving home on the gowanus i saw a sign for placing ads that was simple but brought me entertainment.... it goes like this:

"YOUR ADD (718) ......"

now that was the best thing i have ever seen considering advertisement only has one d..... ill make sure to place my add there....

went on a trip today.... MR GREEZ IS THE GREATEST MAN EVER!!!! i had loads of fun not being in school and got to play with odd little toys and stuff.....

your mom..... how is it exactly that all the real world girls have really hot guys??? that is sooooo not cool to me at all.... i don't like it..... whatever....

ive been thinking today about it loads of crap.... crap crap crap...

2002-12-10T22:08:00.000-05:00

tralalalalalala.....

2002-12-10T22:03:00.000-05:00

Which female sex symbol are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're a BOMBSHELL. You're kitten-like and sexy. You don't need expensive rocks, you're so classy you overpower your gems. You tend to put glamour before comfort, but it doesn't take much for you to look glamourous anyhow. Men beg for a chance with you, and you can take your pick because, frankly, you're too good for almost all of them.